I thought it would be different...

Well not 'my' baby.

I thought it would be different. Yes, I did. I didn't expect that after going with Mum to the ultrasound that I would find out something which would make me cry harder and for more reason than I had in a very long time.

I now have two siblings in heaven. My Mum now has had two miscarriages, one being twenty-one years ago, and one this very month. R.I.P. my littler brother or sister who I never got to meet, I miss you though I never got to see your smiling face, or hear your sweet baby coos. I hope you are enjoying heaven, being with Jesus. And I'll miss you, ever day. You were going to be our sweet baby to cuddle and love and protect from all that is wrong with this world. I remember saying 'Good Morning' to you while you were in Mummy's tummy.

I cried while coming home. I missed you. I love you. I am crying now, thinking of you.
And I find it hard. So very hard. We had been praying and hoping for so long. For you, the precious blessing that God gave us for only a little while. But in that while, we came to love and know you.
I wasn't going to be the eldest sibling to six siblings but to seven. I was hoping to be your Godmother. I was so very excited.
I hope you and the other baby who went to heaven (I think he was a brother and his name was Gideon), that you'll pray for the rest of us, here on earth. That we get to heaven. I want us all to be together, in eternal happiness, us together. Our entire family.
I love and you miss you, sweet baby. One day I'll meet you in heaven, though it won't be the same. At least I know that one day I'll be able to find you.
Vellvin Faine Catherine Agnes Onions. Big sister to seven. One in heaven. Younger sister to six. One in heaven. Godmother to one.

Our dear little blessing has gone to be with Jesus in heaven. We found out today as Mum went for an ultrasound and I went with Mum. I find it hard to understand why God even gave us this little blessing and then took the baby to him in heaven. I know there is a reason, and that it is for the best, but I still wish I'd had the baby to cuddle and to love. If I could just as you all to prayer for us. Especially Mummy, she was very, very, upset and it is not often that she cries, either. But she did today.

God Bless